Trying Something New

A friend of mine recently made me realize that I have not been without a man (whether dating, married, trying to find a man, interested in someone, etc) since I was 13 years old. That is 15 years straight in the pursuit of love and what do I have to show for it? A failed marriage, doomed relationships, heartache, and an overwhelming sense of not being good enough for anyone.

I realized that I have allowed myself to become defined by the men in my life and I am challenging myself to try something different. No, I'm not switching teams, but I am going to stay single for the next 6 months. No dating, no flirting, no sex, no making out, no cruising for guys, and no looking for love. This may not seem like a huge commitment or giant leap to some but for me it is monumental, maybe life changing. This is something that I have never done, never even been close to doing in my entire adult life.

The biggest thing is that I really don't want to do it. There is not a single part of me that wants to do this, but I feel like it is important to do it. I feel like if I don't make a change and do something different I am going to be stuck in this same old pattern of bad dates, short one-sided relationships, and being used and tossed aside forever.

I used to say that love is something you had to "search for like a prized possession lost" and I still think that is true, but the only love I need right now is for myself. So for anyone interested enough or bored enough to care, this blog is going to be about my struggles, thoughts, setbacks (there will probably be some), and insights as I try to make it til December trying something new: going cold turkey on guys! Any encouraging comments are appreciated!